The wrath of Bipolar, that is and just to be clear this not me wanting the sympathy vote, I'm just getting it out.
There is me banging on about how people should try and be happy over the festive period when I have slowly been getting more agitated, low and paranoid about the world - literally the world, not just my world. There are a few factors to consider. I have travelled a very long way across several time zones to Australia which never bodes well, without giving too much information, I don't think I was absorbing lithium whilst out there due to illness so I went from toxic levels to non therapeutic levels in a very short space of time. I know I've not been taking my lamotrigine properly for a month. (I have since rectified this). I just feel really rubbish but cannot put my finger on what is bothering me - a classic symptom which is most difficult to accept.
I pay too much attention to the news and get irate about stuff. Mum used to encourage me not to sit watching the news for hours when she thought I was heading for a fall. I am at it now - a plane has gone missing and there is a fire on board a ferry. I am sat here getting upset (overly) about these bad stories. It is 7am!
I also get a fake sense of confidence and anything that has upset me greatly gets "dealt with". An example of this was the nasty anonymous note that came through our door about Dexter-Woof barking whilst I was away. I was particularly angered by the fact that said person should have just knocked on the door for a chat or pulled me to one side to talk about it. If he had, I would have been able to work things out and explain the abnormal circumstances. This happened in September and it has upset me ever since. Yesterday I seized the opportunity to write one back. Someone else stuck a note on is car (anonymously) telling him to shift his car into the carpark.
How do I know it was him? He actually told me himself that he has no qualms about putting notes of complaint through neighbours doors all the time, I know a few that have been subject to his cowardice, so I am overly confident it was him. I put a note next the other complaint on his car, it wasn't rude but I mimicked his language and suggested he was a bad egg and that neighbours should help each other. I was proud of myself for a while then got the fear. On one side I have potentially set up a confrontation but on the hand I have stood up for myself and finally had a say. (Shame my kitchen window doesn't have a blind - it will soon ... hopefully today ... I'd be able to pretend I'm not home which is a good thing!
I want my meds to get working overtime (Its that back that I am considering upping my anti-psychotic meds which is most debilitating. Sometimes being a vegetable all day is a good thing but it also means I can't do much with regards to safety in the kitchen or drive. Panto rehearsals will suddenly become hard with all the lack of concentration/coordination but it will be for the greater good. Hommm!
So much to consider, I know I hate New Year so that will make things way worse if I don't take action now!
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